Between Rape and Abuse of Confidentiality and trust

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I watched the video interview of Busola, wife of Timi Dakolo aired by Y!Naijatv which has gone viral in the social media and as expected, attracted and still attracting so much reactions both for and against the actors. My own understanding of the entire episode may seem different from the popular view and perception on the matter. From the narrative, listening directly to Busola in the interview, I could deduce other levels of relationship between her and Pastor Fatoyinbo then whereby Busola took the Pastor into confidence as ‘’divine helper’’ being that she lacked parental or fatherly protection and care, a vacuum Fatoyinbo seemed to have filled for her. That situation made the little girl then to rely on the Pastor for her needs and having gained his confidence opened up on many private things to him.

The regular visit to her family house by the pastor and getting familiar with her family gave him more room to exploit more opportunities to his advantage. So, when he decided to ‘’exploit’’ her sexually, it was difficult for the girl to resist or raise alarm to wake up her elder sister who was sleeping in the same house the same time the incident happened. Remember according to Busola, the incident happened in her family house and someone was at home that time. Busola did not say that pastor Fatoyinbo used violence on her except that he told her not to talk that ‘’his grace’’ covered her, whatever that meant. Busola had the opportunity to have resisted and raised her voice which could have awakened her elder sister. There was nothing in her story to suggest that Fatoyinbo came to her with gun, knife or any instrument of violence to silence her. From her story, it seemed that many church members already knew that Busola was close to pastor Fatoyinbo then hence she stated in the interview that at a certain time when the first rape case was made public against Fatoyinbo which attracted comment from Timi Dakolo, some social media commentators told Dakolo to look inwards because his wife was also a beneficiary of Fatoyinbo. In line with the story told by Busola, one may ask if the matter was a case of rape or abuse of confidentiality and trust. For a clear understanding, let us look at what rape is and what is abuse of confidentiality. First, what is Rape? The Wikipedia defines rape as ‘’…a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person’s consent’’. The principles of confidentiality which applies in the medical profession suggest that you must keep and respect information given to you by the person (patient for medical Doctors) and friends, confidants or children or those under your protection and support whereby sharing such information may jeopardize their life or wellbeing. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something, Relations are built on trust.
The entire scenario deductible in the story of Busola was for me abuse of trust by Fatoyinbo and exploiting her innocence for sexual purposes which has its own consequences. As further narrated by Busola, after the incident, she lost her trust and confidence in the pastor and was only attending his church just to avoid letting her sisters know what happened to her. Even going to baby seat the pastor’s child at a time was to please her sisters and not create opportunity for them and people in the church to ask questions. She kept and nursed the psychological wound from the incident in her mind until after she has got married and had three children, become a celebrity herself and conquered the ‘’poverty’’ that beleaguered her upbringing in a polygamous home.
Pastor Fatoyinbo of the COZA who is the accused has denied ever raping a woman but did not deny ever sleeping with a woman outside his wife. It is possible he did not see the incident allegedly between him and Busola as rape. In a sense he could be right to himself. But when rape is defined as sexual act without the consent of the victim, and if Busola said she did not consent to his sexual intercourse with her, the act could be said to be a rape. But the curious question is why Busola did not raise alarm as there was nothing suggesting that the man used force, or instrument of violence on her. Why did she keep quiet even when her sister who would have given her support was at home? It was not a hotel, but her own home where she had rights and all powers to raise alarm and even awake neighbours to her rescue even if the pastor decided to use force.
Whichever way the questions and answers go, the truth is that our society is degenerating with new wave of rape cases and that points to the fact that we are losing it at the family and society levels. We have lost family values, social and cultural values that kept our people in what we saw in our forefathers. It is time to rise up and fight this scourge before it turns a monster we can no longer deal with. The craving for mundane things is too high and we must redefine our values in the society. Indeed, it is not enough to shout in the social media and call names. There must be commensurate action through legislation and enforcement as in developed countries no matter how long. The popular American celebrity Bill Cosby was recently sentenced to 40 years imprisonment for a proved rape committed many years ago. Our ladies must learn to avoid being prey to so called ‘’divine helpers’’ whose help often mean preying on their persons and integrity at a time it will be difficult to alert the public. Thanks to Timi and Busola Dakolo for taking up the challenge to lead the war against rape in our society especially among innocent people exploited by those who should lead by example. IstandwithTimi&Busola

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